The World Today: Real Life Villain Barrack Obama

[This is Part 3 of our 51-Part Series on the Problems of the World Today. Part 1 was about fellow Real Life Villain Michael Bloomberg, while Part 2 examined lazy do-nothing millenials]

Let’s not pretend that Barrack Hussein Obama knows what he’s doing. Ever since he was accidentally elected president, his regime has been a series of errors, each more damning than the last. In his sixteen years as President, B. Hussein Obama has shown a remarkable lack of leadership, a complete disregard for traditional conservative values, unbelievable idiocy, and a distinctly urban appearance.

There’s no easy way to put this: B. Hussein O. has acted like a complete and utter moron but also an evil criminal mastermind, intelligently orchestrating criminal acts from behind the scenes while, in public, he clowns around like a clown.

But still, there are loads of people out there who do bad things. Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Garfield the Cat. They’re all out there doing bad things, heinous acts. But none are “Real Life Villains”.

What makes Barrack Obama different?

When America was attacked in Benghazi, the entire Senate came together for an emergency meeting. Everyone agreed that something needed to be done; congress voted for an emergency war effort to take down the man who did it–King of Afghanistan Saddam Hussein. Barrack Hussein Obama did not vote in favour of the war effort. Instead, he went on some dumb talk show to talk about his failing health-care plan, making a mockery of the entire American Government by pretending that poor people deserve healthcare.

Why? Why would he do that?

There are a lot of theories. However, one stands out from the rest. Linguists discovered a remarkable similarity between the names ‘Saddam Hussein” and “Barrack Hussein Obama”. Both names feature approximately 16 unique letters, both rely on gutural “D” and “M” noises, and both feature the word “Hussein”.

All the Linguists–smart people, Harvard degrees–agreed that this is too bizarre to be a coincidence. Now these are smart people, and if they’re saying that there is a definite link between Barrack Hussein Obama and Saddam Hussein, who are we to disagree?

The question that has stumped linguists is just how deep these links go. Obviously Barrack Obama probably didn’t personally attack Benghazi, but he also didn’t bother showing up to the Senate to try and stop it from happening again. Is this a show of support? I don’t know, I’m just asking questions.

But here’s another question: Barrack Hussein Obama, where do your allegiances lie?

Is it to America or is it to the Middle East? Is it to Russia? Are you a communist?

Barrack Obama has had all the time in the world to answer these questions–all he needed to do was produce his longform birth certificate–but he has failed to do so again and again. What is he hiding? Could Saddam Hussein still be alive and living with Barrack Obama? Are they best friends? Is Saddam Hussein secretly running the country? Does Saddam Hussein run a secret shadow cabinet filled with all of history’s most evil villains covertly governing the United States? These are the types of fair and balanced questions Barrack Obama routinely dodges, as if these questions were basketballs at one of his basketball games.

This isn’t the only time Barrack Hussein Obama has mysteriously failed to act. Far from it. In 2005, Hurricane Katrina ripped New Orleans off the East Coast, sinking it to the bottom of the ocean like the lost city of Atlantis. Billions of hard-working Americans–all Republican–swam down to the wreckage to help rescue people trapped at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

What was Barrack Obama doing?

I don’t know, I didn’t do any research. And when I don’t know anything, I check with my heart and I check with my gut. My heart says “Go with your gut” and my gut says “He did nothing”.

Barack Obama could have stopped this hurricane from happening, but he didn’t. Why?

That question seems to come up a lot when talking about Real Life Villain Barrack Obama. For whatever reason, whenever terrible things happen in the world we can find Barrack Obama nearby, not stopping it from happening before it happens.

Still not convinced? There’s so much more.

On August 13th, 2016, Barrack Obama announced his official Summer Playlist, furthering his hidden agenda to indoctrinate the youth of America with socialist/atheist values. The summer playlist included controversial choices by non-Christian artists like Charles Mingus (Communist), Sara Bareilles (Thug), and the Beach Boys (traitors to America, all of them).

But that’s not all. My gut says that Barrack Obama spent so long making this playlist that he ignored crucial briefings on national security and domestic economics. It’s not ridiculous to suggest that the stuff Obama didn’t learn during this time will send America into a full-blown depression, one which it will never recover from. This will allow China and Russia to conquer the world and divide America up into socialist deathcamps. They’ll probably force America to become some sort of totalitarian wasteland, only keeping Americans alive as spare parts for when a wealthy communist needs a new kidney.

It all could have been avoided. Maybe if Barrack Obama spent more time on the Presidency and less time on Twitter trying to get Millennials to listen to his Mixtape, we wouldn’t be in this situation.

But he did. And we are.

This is why we christen Barrack Obama with our elusive “Real Life Villain” moniker. He earned it. While hard-working Americans like Big-Dick Bastard Ted Cruz are working to make the world a better place and ensure White Purity, Real Life Villains like Barrack Obama are behind the scenes, trying to get people to listen to “Tightrope” by Janelle Monae.

I know which one of these two fundamentally different men deserves to be president. I’ll give you a hint: he was the one that was ACTUALLY born in the United States.

 

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