“Briefs “, Part 9

Previously: Superstar Attorney Octavian Charles took control of his firm by suspending his partner, Regan Josh. Everything was going great until he was suddenly arrested for treason! Meanwhile, Josh Charles LLP Junior Partner Gustavo Solaveva was tasked with defending his brother’s killer. Only problem is, Gustavo killed his client while he was giving his testimony, in broad view of the entire court. Now the lawyers at Josh Charles LLP must scramble to prove his innocence! Also, Junior Josh Charles LLP Partner Danny Proust might fall down the stairs. Keyword: might.

Octavian Charles awoke handcuffed in a prison cell. The last thing he could remember he was being attacked by an over-eager police officer who was screaming something about treason.

Treason?

Octavian had been an honest, heard-working American for his entire life. He put country before all else. He would never betray his values.

Just then, Octavian’s nemesis, Vice President Dan Rydell Overstreet strode into the room and began to cackle maliciously.

“That’s right,” laughed Overstreet, “I finally got you, you son of a bitch.”

“Don’t use that word,” growled Octavian.

“I don’t think you’ll be making demands anymore,” guffawed Overstreet, “When you’re gonna be put up on death row.”

“You’ve got nothing on me!”

Overstreet broke down and began to chortle, “Nothing? We’ve got nothing? Then why are you here?”

Octavian grimaced and asked, “What do you want?”

“I want what I’ve always wanted, Octavian. I want to see someone kill you. And I’m gonna get my wish.”

“No you’re not,” yawped Octavian, “No jury will ever convict me for whatever fake charge you’ve made up.”

Overstreet smiled knowingly and motioned to the television, telling Octavian to look.

What he saw startled him.

*

“Who’s in charge here?!” screamed Danny Proust as he curled up into a ball on the ground.

“Well, Octavian,” responded Ophelia Powers.

“Octavian has gone to prison!” wailed Danny through muffled sobs, “And we fired all the other Named Partners!”

“He’ll be back.”

“We don’t know that. We need someone to take charge and manage the firm in his absence.”

At this, Danny began to try and puff out his chest as he gently rocked back and forth while lying on the ground.

“And that someone,” began Danny in his deepest man voice, “Is going to be me. I’m going to steer the firm in the right direction. First things first, we need an App.”

“Shut the fuck up,” sighed Ophelia, “You’re an idiot. You’ll get us all killed. I’m in charge now.”

Ophelia sighed and began to move her stuff into Regan Josh’s old office.

*

D’Jason Orleans walked into the Birth Certificate Repository and strode up to the desk.

“Yes,” he began, “I’d like to see Sung Kong’s long-form birth certificate.”

“No,” bellowed the receptionist.

D’Jason slunk his head in defeat and walked out into the rain. He had no idea how he was going to get his hands on the long-form birth certificate. He was the worst private detective in the world.

*

Ophelia Powers sighed. She never realized just how many emails she would get if she took over as Managing Partner. Like seven a day. She briefly considered taking a gun and ending it all but, just then, her eyes scanned the television.
Jesus Christ, she thought, it’s about Octavian!

*

President Kendra Von Puter walked up to the podium to begin her nationally-televised address. She gave a mysterious evil-looking figure standing nearby a discrete thumbs up.

“At approximately 12:36AM my Vice President, Dan Rydell Overstreet, resigned his position in return for a full presidential pardon. It has come to the attention of this administration that Mr. Overstreet was caught administering a bribe to my ex-boyfriend Octavian Charles, a bribe which Charles took.”

Kendra cleared her throat and continued, “Charles promised to throw a case against hypothetical North Korean spy Ron Howard. Charles did so. It is the opinion of this administration that, in aiding and abetting the release of a North Korean Spy, Charles has committed an act of treason. He was remanded into custody at 6AM today and remains there still. It is our belief that he should be executed for this most heinous act.”

Kendra looked back at the mysterious figure. The mysterious figure gave her a thumbs up and mouthed “good job”. The mysterious figure then walked up to the podium and discreetly slipped Kendra a crisp $50 bill.

*

“What?” screamed Octavian back in prison, “You torpedoed your entire career just to take me down?”

“That’s right motherfucker,” screamed Overstreet, “Because I hate you.”

“But that’s insane!”

“No more insane than firing a gun on the Fourth of July.”

“Yes more insane!” yelled Octavian exasperatedly.

“You think so?”

“Yes!”

“Agree to disagree.”

Overstreet began to cackle victoriously.

*

Danny walked into the stairwell and spied a banana peel.

Not today, he thought as he eyed the mischievous peel. He picked it up and threw it in the garbage so as not to trip on it. He gave himself a pat on the back.

Today is a great day to be alive, thought Danny.

*

Ophelia ran into the prison cell, embraced Octavian, and screamed, “Oh dear it’s not true, is it?”

“Well, fifty-fifty,” scoffed Octavian, “It’s definitely not entirely false.”

“I don’t care!” screeched Ophelia, “I’ll defend you.”

“You can’t, it’s a conflict of interest.”

“Damn the conflict!”

“Plus, you have to defend Gustavo as part of a back-room deal I made a while back.”

“But he killed a client on the stand! People recorded it on their iPhones! It blew up all over Apple iTunes Ping, the number one social media service used by young and the elderly alike.”

“I use Apple iTunes Ping,” confirmed Octavian, “It sounds great through my Apple EarPods.”

“Everyone uses Apple iTunes Ping Octavian, you don’t need to confirm it.”

“Apple iTunes Ping is a great service!”

“We’re getting off topic,” Ophelia said trying to re-set the conversation, “If I’m not going to defend you, who will?”

“Only the best lawyer in the world,” yelled Octavian.

“Who’s that?”

“Me!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s