How To Hack the Mainframe Computer

Not a lot of people know this, but all internet traffic is routed through a single computer located in Pennsylvania. This is popularly known as “The Mainframe Computer”. Named after former Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious, the Mainframe Computer acts as a sort of connector for all the various computers that join together to form the internet. Think of the internet as a large web and the Mainframe Computer as the glue and center that holds it all together.
Now, the issue is that the Mainframe Computer is very susceptible to hackers and when one controls the Mainframe Computer then they can easily regulate, observe, and control all internet traffic. This creates problems for some small businesses which rely on the internet to sell products. Amazon, for example, was nearly put out of business when film director Spike Jonze briefly in late 2009.
Despite the obvious security issues with the mainframe computer, Internet Owner and Operator Robert Wharton of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania has refused to supply patches to ward off hackers. This allows nefarious agents to take control of the Mainframe Computer whenever they please. This needs to end.
So, in order to inspire Robert Wharton to action, I am going to post the previously top-secret method to hack the Mainframe Computer. Once it becomes public knowledge he will have no choice but to make changes.
Now, for the first time ever, the itemized, step-by-step guide on how to hack and take control of the Mainframe Computer:

  1. Open Terminal.app on your Apple MacBook Pro
  2. Insert your Apple EarPods into your Apple MacBook Pro
  3. Hear the Difference
  4. Return to Terminal.app on your Apple MacBook Pro. Click on it with your Apple Mighty Mouse and then use your Apple Magic Keyboard to type “su”. When prompted, enter your password.
  5. Then use your Apple Magic Keyboard to type “rm -rf” into Terminal. Wait for the process to complete.
  6. Open Apple Safari on your Apple MacBook Pro.
  7. Type in “https://101.8.16.0.105”. This is the address for the Mainframe Computer.
  8. You will come to the official Mainframe Computer Login Page. Use the username: “rwharton” and password: “password123456”. This will grant you partial access.
  9. For complete access, use a Linux Subnet IP and cross-hatch that against all known variables. Then, use the web to decrypt the SSH protocol, not forgetting to do a Nexus Lexus search through cyberspace.
  10. Congratulations, you’ve hacked the Mainframe Computer and taken control of the internet.

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