‘Briefs’, Part 4

Previously: Superstar Defence Attorney launched a high-profile lawsuit against Film Director Ron Howard, alleging that he was a fucking asshole. The case was brought to him by the mysterious Sung Kong, with whom Octavian immediately entered into a romantic relationship. This was accidentally observed by Octavian’s ex-fiancee and Junior Law Partner Ophelia Powers. This inspired Ophelia to leave the firm and join their biggest competitor, Will Gardner LLP, ran by the evil Bill Will and Octavian’s ex-wife Dana Gardner.

New Will Gardner LLP Junior Partner Ophelia Powers walked in her new office overlooking all of New York City and lovingly stroked her ebony desk.

“Ebony and Ivory,” lusted Senior Partner Bill Will from the doorway, “Living together in perfect harmony.”

“What do you want Bill?” grimaced Ophelia from the window.

I want you, Bill thought creepily. He didn’t say it so as to avoid a lawsuit.

“I have your first case,” screeched Bill as he slammed a portfolio down on a desk, “You’re defending Ron Howard.”

Ophelia screamed.

“But he’s a fucking asshole”

Bill laughed and began to growl, “Sometimes this business gets dirty. Sometimes you defend awful people. Murders, pedophiles, even Ron Howard.”

“I won’t do it! I can’t do this to Octavian! I can’t defend that man. He’s a goddamn jerk!”

“Ron Howard is a philanthropist and respected film director. He donates to charity. He’s a loving father, a dutiful husband, and a citizen of the world,” screamed Bill back at the obstinate Ophelia.

“How can you say that with a straight face, Bill?! How can you defend that man and look at yourself in the mirror? When I defended Nestle’s use of slavery in Thailand I vowed I would never sink that low again. Now you want me to do something a billion times worse?!”

Bill laughed and pulled a blackmail folder and threw it on the ground. All the pictures spilled out. They were of Octavian Charles engaged in a passionate embrace with the mysterious Sung Kong.

Bill began to speak, “Take the case or I blast these all over the Internet. I don’t think your boy will have much of a chance at the Supreme Court after everyone has seen his sex tape.”

Bill continued, “That is, if you still love him. If you don’t then by all means don’t take the case. I’ll post this, his reputation will suffer, but your conscience will stay clear as a hot summer day.”

Ophelia grimaced and took the case.


Octavian Charles picked up the telephone and called his ex-wife and professional rival, Dana Gardner.

“What do you want?” growled Dana as she put the receiver up to her ear.

“I only want one thing,” whispered Octavian, “I want you.”

“Oc, stop,” sighed Dana, “You know I’m with Mantis now.”

“But I still love you Dana!”

“And I used to love you. But we have to move on. You have a good thing going on with Sung Kong and, intermittently, with Ophelia.”

“But I can’t commit to anyone while I’m hung up on you!” begged Octavian, “Come back to me. This time it’ll be different!”

“No, it won’t,” growled Dana as she slammed the phone on her ivory desk.

Octavian felt the line go dead. He felt a pang of sorrow and then, in a gust of anger, threw his phone out the window.


“Do you have the briefs?!” screamed Josh Charles LLP Senior Partner Regan Josh at Junior Associate Danny Proust.

“Yes sir,” murmured Danny.

“Then what are you waiting for?! Let me see them!”

Danny began to unbuckle his pants.


The bailiff continued, “… the honourable judge Talib Kweli presiding, the case of the people versus is Ron Howard, the charge TBD.”

The bailiff turned to Ron Howard and asked, “How do you plead?”

“Lawyer ain’t here bro!” yawped Ron, “Y’all can’t start!”

The bailiff turned to the judge, shrugged, and yelled, “Guilty?”

Judge Kweli gave the Bailiff a discreet thumbs up, picked up his gavel, and began, “Ron Howard, on the charge of TBD, I find you guilty and sentence you to twenty-five-“

“Not so fast!” screamed Ophelia Powers as she sprinted into the court room.

Everyone gasped. Someone in the back row absolutely lost their shit.


“We’ve been betrayed!” screamed Josh Charles LLP Senior Partner Octavian Charles at Regan Josh, “Ophelia has defected to Will Gardner!”

Regan Josh spit out his coffee in shock and screamed back, “This is your fault Charles! This is why you don’t try and marry coworkers! Things get messy.”

“That’s not all,” grimaced Octavian, “She poached one of our biggest clients, Tracktenberg Technologies.”

Regan snapped his pencil in half and bellowed, “This is one of the final straws Charles. I’m sick of you thinking with your dick. Your wife leaves you and you fall apart. First you leave Ophelia at the altar and tear this firm down the middle. Then your very public affair with President Von Puter. Then you left her for Angela Merkel. Everything you do brings shame to the firm!”

Octavian grimaced yet again before continuing, “Why are you lecturing me? You’re a lousy drug addict. There are syringes all over your office.”

“This isn’t about me. Now, I’m going to be very clear. You win this Howard case. You get Ophelia back. You stay in line. Or you won’t have a goddamn firm to come back to. I know you’re a goddamn legal superstar, but we survived before you when Knox and Overstreet were in charge and we’ll damn sure survive after. I won’t have you bringing this firm down with you.”

Octavian kicked the door and stormed out of the room


Regan Josh burst into the copy room, high as hell, and bumped into Danny Proust.

“I’m gonna need to see those briefs, again,” whispered Regan.


Octavian Charles burst into his office only to find DNC Chairman Dylan McDermott sitting alongside former Josh Charles LLP named Partner, current Vice President of the United States, and Octavian’s Personal Nemesis Daniel Rydell Overstreet.

“Overstreet, McDermott,” grimaced Octavian, acknowledging the two men, “What a surprise. What do you want? You know I’m not a democrat.”

Overstreet laughed aggressively, “We’ve been watching you for a long time, Charles. We know that RNC Chairman Dermot Mulrooney has you tapped to fill the next Republican vacancy on the Supreme Court.”

“So what do you want?” barked Octavian.

McDermott began, “We want to steal their thunder.”

Octavian laughed.

Overstreet continued, “As you know, Sonya Sotomayor is retiring to pursue her singing career. We want you to take her place.”

“Why would you want me, Overstreet? You hate me. You kicked my six year old nephew in the face! Besides, I thought my ex-wife and professional rival Dana Gardner had the nomination wrapped up.”

“Believe me, Charles. There’s nothing I’d like more than to see Gardner on the Supreme Court. Plus, I fucking hate you. I hope you choke to death alone in your apartment. But this isn’t my decision. President Von Puter wants to reach across the aisle and she figures you’re the perfect candidate. Young, Socially Moderate, well-liked. You’re the perfect candidate.” There’s only one thing.”

“Of course there is, Overstreet. What do you want?”

Daniel Rydell Overstreet took a long sip of water and, with a sinister laugh, screamed, “We want Ron Howard!”

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