“Briefs” Part 2

Part 1. To Recap: Named Partner Octavian Charles secured a full acquittal for his client, Sheila Baby. Instead of thanking him she was a real jerk about it and took him prisoner.

Senior Josh Charles LLP Partner Gustavo Solaveva twirled his mustache and laughed maniacally. He walked up to his wall and observed his portraits of named Partners Octavian Charles and Reagan Josh. He laughed more and drew a comically large “X” over the face of Octavian Charles.

Gustavo walked back over to his desk and picked up the suspicious airplane wrench he had used to sabotage Regan’s plane and cradled it against his sweet, sweet lips.

*

Regan Josh sipped on his gin and juice and looked outside. He was in a plane, orbiting the earth at a hundred thousand feet. He did his best work up here. At least when he wasn’t high out of his mind. Regan had a tiny problem with drug abuse.

“Toby,” began Regan, “Come in here.”

“Yes sir.”

“Toby, do you ever worry about God?”

“Yes sir.”

“What if we’re all just ants in some indifferent order? What if the reason that this world is filled with such evil isn’t that there’s no god or that there’s an indifferent one, but rather from something else.”

“What sir?”

“Look up into space. There are billions and billions of galaxies, lots of which are filled with life. And with our arrogance we think that we register as important, that God loves us.”

Regan spat on the airplane floor and continued, “God doesn’t love any of us. He doesn’t know we exist. We’re like ants, trying to walk amongst giants.”

“Very true, sir.”

“Toby,” continued Regan, “I have another question. If I’m here and you’re here, then who, dear boy, is flying the plane?”

Regan and Toby pondered this riddle as the jet crashed into the Atlantic Ocean and exploded.

*

Senior Josh Charles LLP Partner Gustavo Solaveva twirled his moustache and laughed maniacally. He walked up to his wall and observed his portraits of named Partners Octavian Charles and Reagan Josh. He laughed more and drew a comically large “X” over the face of Regan Josh.

He called a mysterious Vice President and told him that the plan was going well.

*

Ophelia Jones lay down and turned on the television.

“The top news story in the world tonight comes to you from Chicago or wherever,” began the news anchor, “Where a local law firm has been thrown into turmoil! The two named partners of Josh Charles LLP, Regan Josh and Octavian Charles, have both gone missing. Josh’s plane went down over the Ocean while it is believed that Charles has been kidnapped by his serial killer client, Sheila Baby.’

“Zoinks!” screeched Ophelia.

“It’s expected that Senior Partner Gustavo Solaveva will hold a meeting in ten minutes in the conference room to decide the fate of the firm!”

“Jinkies!”

“In other news,” finished the anchor, “Several fish are dead. Is the Entourage movie to blame? All this, and more, after sports!”

*

Octavian Charles awoke with a start and spit the rag out of his mouth. The room was blurry and he wasn’t sure where he was. His hand was chained to the radiator.

“Great scott!” yelled Octavian to himself, “I’ve been kidnapped!”

He could dimly hear the sound of Sheila Baby cooking pancakes in the other room. He had to escape, and fast. He didn’t eat gluten!

*

Ophelia Powers was running out of time! She had court in an hour and the First Chair on the case, Gustavo, was nowhere to be found. Clearly, she’d have to do it herself. She sprinted into Gustavo’s office to look for the files.

She began leafing through the files on Gustavo’s desk when she picked up a sheet of paper and screamed.

“I can’t believe what’s written on this paper! This will change everything!”

*

Octavian Charles had tried everything to escape his handcuffs. None of his keys fit and, trust me, he had a lot.

He had almost given up hope when he realized he had one more thing he could try.

He could use the law.

*

Gustavo strode into the meeting with all the other partners (except Ophelia who was noticeably absent) and began, “I assume all of you have read the news.”

“I read the news today, oh boy,” sighed one of the partners.

“It was about a lucky man who made the grade,” continued Gustavo, “And though the news was rather sad, I had to turn and laugh.”

The partners nodded.

“Now, no use worrying about the dead,” screeched Gustavo, “On to business. We need new named partners. As the leader of this meeting, I suggest myself.”

“Seconded,” murmured one of the partners that Gustavo had secretly paid off.

“I also suggest we change the name of the firm to Updawg. All those who vote yay raise your hand.”

“STOP!” screamed Ophelia Powers.

*

Octavian Charles used the law to escape his handcuffs just as Sheila Baby wandered into the room with her pancakes. He immediately incapacitated Sheila with one single Karate chop and she fell to the ground like a sack of old beans.

“No,” whispered Sheila, “You can’t leave! I was set up. I love you! I would never hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” bellowed Octavian as he walked over to the mirror to fix the fop in his hair.

“If I tell you the truth you have to promise to represent me, just one last time.”

“You kidnapped me, Sheila.”

“I also killed a biker on the way home. And a child.”

“Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?”

“Will you represent me or not?!”

“Fine,” lied Octavian as he spit in Sheila’s face, “Now tell me what you know.’

“He blackmailed me into incapacitating you so you missed the big partner’s meeting!”

“Who Sheila, who?!”

She pulled a crumpled photograph out of his pocket. It was Gustavo Solaveva! But you probably figured that out already.

*

Ophelia Powers strode to the front of the conference room and slammed the paper down on the conference table.

“That’s a fake!” screamed Gustavo.

“Nice try,” Ophelia yelled back, “This paper proves that Gustavo was complicit in the disappearances of Regan and Octavian and he’s using them as an excuse to take over the firm.”

The other partners gasped.

“So what if I am? Wouldn’t all of you have done the same?”

Many of the partners nodded.

“So let’s take it to a vote,” yawped Gustavo, “All those who vote yay put your hands up.”

Half the partners raised their hands. It was a tie.

“Well,” Gustavo laughed maniacally, “In the event of a tie, I win!”

“Not so fast,” yelled a severely waterlogged Regan Josh as he sprinted into the room, “I think I have something to say about this.”

Everyone screamed in either shock, excitement, disgust, surprise, hungry, or sleepy.

 

Next time: Is Gustavo related to Manuel? Will Ophelia ever find love? Does a strong female character really need to find love? What’s wrong with being a strong, independent woman?

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