Ever since Hillary Rodham Clinton started her campaign for president, her staff has been doing their best to shield the former security of state from any of the ‘big’ questions. Contrast this against the actions of GOP Frontrunner Rick Perry, who’s been very open and honest about every important issue facing Americans today—Questions like: “How did we get here?” (Rick said: “God”), “Where do babies come from?” (Rick said: “God”), “Should gays be allowed in the military and should children be allowed to celebrate Christmas?” (Rick said: “No and yes”), and “Which bear is best?” (Rick said: “Blackbear”). Clinton, however, has refused to answer any such questions, much to the detriment of her credibility and her campaign.
So, now, below, I give Hillary an opportunity to save her campaign answer the questions the American people deserve answers to:
- If the eyes are a window to the soul, does that make the mouth the door?
- Why you so dumb?
- Diet Coke has been linked to an increased risk of heart disease. As president, would you allow this evil drink to keep destroying America’s children?
- How do periods work?
- Isn’t host just ghost without the g?
- Benghazi; why did you do it?
- Barack Obama was on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart was in Death to Smoochy with Edward Norton. Edward Norton was in The Italian Job with Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg’s brother Donnie was in the movie Saw 2, which included graphic depictions of murder and drug use. How can you conscientiously stand by an administration that condones such acts?
- I think cats are weird.
- When you type “Best Country in the World” into a google search you aren’t automatically redirected to www.usa.gov. What’s up with that?
- Why is Pitchfork giving out so many 9.3s this year?
- If elected President, will you criminalize snow cones?
- Will you vow to end Obama’s war on Christmas?
- Why didn’t I go into engineering instead of the fucking liberal arts?
- Will you hire me?
- Didn’t think so.
- Chris Christie vowed to “punch teacher’s unions in the face”. If elected president, will you follow through on his pledge? If so will you personally punch all of the teachers individually or will you hire someone to do it? By the way, I don’t have a job and I’ll work for minimum wage.
- Why do you not CC: the American people on all of your private emails?
- How did you conspire with Fox News to keep Rick Perry out of the first GOP leadership debate? Were you worried his presence would turn the debate into a simple coronation?
- Why are you so worried about Rick Perry? Is it because he’s smarter than you?
- He can run really fast, too. Probably faster than you.
[Note: This post was payed for by the Perry 2016 Presidential Campaign. Remember, a vote for Perry is a vote for Jesus.]