Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. To Recap: Monte Carlo went to the Regatta Gala and met Chad, Brittany, Marshall, and Kevin. Meanwhile, Detective Bryan disappeared and discovered a prophecy detailing something about the rise of Satan or whatever. I don’t really remember. Just read Part 5.
Marshall ran into the room marked LOBOTOMY ROOM looking for an XBOX 360 and hopefully some marijuanas to roll up and smoke like a cigarette. He couldn’t find anything in the room except for a bloody chair with arms straps hanging from the sides.
Marshall tried to catch his breath. He wasn’t used to such strenuous physical activity. He hadn’t left his house in around six years, and he had severe lung problems from all his smoking. He was excited and confident to win the inheritance, though.
Marshall smiled to himself and decided to lie down in the lobotomy chair to catch his breath. Marshall sat there for a long time and didn’t notice as the straps began to tighten around his arms and legs.
He realized with a scream that we was trapped. He watched powerlessly as the door to the lobotomy room opened and a ghostly doctor came in. It was the evil Doctor Saint Charles Berkeley.
“Let me go, please! I have money,” screamed Marshall.
Doctor Saint Charles Berkeley just smiled and pulled an icepick out of his labcoat and laughed.
“Not enough,” Berkeley muttered to himself as he jammed the icepick into Marshall’s head like a knife into a ripe avocado.
“The Wealthy Barber?!” screamed Chad in delight, “I fucking love this book!”
Brittany shrugged and looked around the basement. They really needed a cleaning crew in here.
Chad pulled The Wealthy Barber off the bookshelf and was surprised as it gave way into a secret passageway.
“I’m bored Chad, let’s do it,” intimated Brittany.
“Fine, we can have a quickie. But let’s do it in this secret passageway where no one from the house will be able to find us.”
“That sounds smart and responsible.”
Chad and Brittany grabbed each other’s hands and immediately wandered into the secret passageway. They were shocked—the room was filled with medieval torture devices. This seemed unusual at first, but then they remembered all the other things they’d seen in the house, and the medieval torture chamber didn’t seem all that surprising. They shrugged and continued to look for a nice place to have sex.
“Let’s have sex on this guillotine!” Brittany yelled as she popped off her shirt.
“Okay, that sounds comfortable!” Chad murmured sexily.
[Author’s note: in the final draft of this novel, there will be an incredibly detailed fifty-five page sex scene here. In the interest of brevity, I’ll cut to the end]
Doctor Saint Charles Berkeley snuck up to the edge of the guillotine. Chad and Brittany didn’t notice, their bodies still moving together like two avocados rolling over each other in a plastic bag.
Charles sighed, smiled, laughed, updated his Instagram, and cut the cord, freeing the blade. It fell downwards with a resounding slice.
Kevin and Monte Carlo hunched over the prophecy detailing that in the event that a set of twins die in the house then Satan would rise again for some reason.
“Wait…. I’m a twin,” announced Monte Carlo just remembering her twin sister Jessica who also died in this house (by the way that scene where it was ambiguous whether Jessica died, she died—so did Stephen).
“Oh hell no,” Kevin responded, realizing that the death of Monte Carlo would finish the prophecy.
“Awe fuck, indeed,” screamed Charles Berkeley as he strode into the room.
Kevin turned to Monte Carlo with a start and yelled, “You have to run.”
“I won’t leave you!”
“I’ll be right behind you,” Kevin lied.
Monte Carlo sprinted out of the room.
Kevin pulled a screwdriver out of his pocket and advanced on the evil Charles Berkeley.
“Hey bitch, let’s dance,” Kevin screamed.
As she ran down the hallway Monte Carlo could hear what sounded like a grown man exploding like a meat balloon and she knew that Kevin wouldn’t be coming to find her.
She sighed and began to cry. She only allowed herself three tears, and continued running from the evil Doctor Berkeley.
After a while she finally ran back to the atrium only to find the dead body of Ryan. It was like someone had shovelled him to death, like a spoon gouging an avocado. At least he had stayed at the entrance until the very end.
Monte Carlo sank to her knees and began to scream. There was no one left except her. Her and the ghosts (and Arthur and maybe Bryan; she also had no way of knowing the Brittany, Chad, and Marshall had all died so she thought they might be left, too).
All of a sudden, Monte Carlo felt a hard, wooden object connect with the back of her head and everything went black.
Monte Carlo awoke chained to a chair with a metal bear-trap attached to a timer sitting on her head. She screamed.
Behind her, she heard what sounded like but was not the smooth, comforting voice of The OC’s Sandy Cohen, as played by famous American film and television actor Peter Gallagher come from behind her head.
“Oh Monte, Monte, Monte,” the voice whispered.
“Let’s play a little game.”