10 Unexpected Reasons You Should Use Apple EarPods With Your New iPhone 6 Plus

  1. Apple Earpods contain a carefully calculated dose of antivenom that autoinjects if it detects large amounts of snake venom in your blood. This feature is only available when paired with the iPhone 6 Plus.
  2. Apple Earpods will not fall out of your ears when the police put you into a chokehold. Nor will they fall out while you’re curled in the fetal position and a group of them are stomping on you/hitting you with a night stick.
  3. Apple Earpods glow a comforting, faint blue when orcs are nearby.
  4. Your parents are not proud of you because you don’t appreciate design. A nice pair of Apple Earpods will demonstrate to them that you are finally beginning to live up to the promise you’ve never fulfilled. Your mother has stopped loving you, and this is the only way to get her back.
  5. Your wife doesn’t love you and your children don’t look up to you because you’ve been using Sennheisers.
  6. Apple Earpods were personally designed by God himself as a presage to a new revelation. With Apple Earpods, God is trying to tell us something, and it’s only through constant use and meditation that we can decide what it is.
  7. There is nothing else in this world for you to do. You’re alone. It’s cold. Your friends, family, and significant others have all abandoned you because you deserve it. There’s no meaning in your life. No warmth, no good. You provide nothing and do nothing. You make me sick. I hate you.
  8. Apple EarPods turn invisible at night.
  9. Compared to a pack of starving timberwolves or a very small hammer, Apple EarPods offer best-in-class sound quality.
  10. If you don’t use Apple EarPods you don’t know shit about design.
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